Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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