I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
