dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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