Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Im part way to drunk.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
