it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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