why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
