you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize