who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize