I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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