I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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