nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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