Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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