i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
