im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
