Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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