So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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