thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
