god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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