i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
