why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
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If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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