hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
