3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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