Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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