she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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