Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
