I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
