is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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