my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
