I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
