i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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