Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
