then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
