You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
