thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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