Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize