1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
