Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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