note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just blew my weed a kiss
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm really busy with my period
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