3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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