Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
