I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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