She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
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Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
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Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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