so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
