yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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