one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
