when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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