thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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