I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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