I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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