I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
