the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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