Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
