This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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