This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
