he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
