Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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