Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
