dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
