where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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