So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
