What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
